Monday, February 19, 2007

A great big HOWDY to one and all. I am home for a couple of days before leaving for the state wrestling tournament and am trying to catch up. Had a very enjoyable time in Boise though and the kids were great to be around. Left here to the tune of snow and icy roads... arrived in Boise to the tune of raining very hard. Later it was so warm I had to turn on the air conditioner. Crazy weather.

I apologize that I have not had time to visit your sites and probably won't until after next week when it should slow down a little.

I thank all who have sent me jokes, poems, and pictures that hopefully I can use.

Since time is so short for me now I will just say howdy and close with this....

First Date

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!"

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down... Or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno's comment, "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.

Have a nice day everyone and I WILL be back!!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

No picture today. I have not had time to find some good ones. Sorry for not blogging more often but busy, busy, busy. This week consists of leaving tomorrow morning at 6:30 and coming back... well who knows when. First I take the wrestlers to their tournament and then I load up the students to take to Boise for the basketball tournament. Busy, busy, busy and wouldn't have it any other way.

Okay, a question for those of your who might be in the medical field. If a person has tryglicerides of over 800 count is that bad? My doctor said they were so high they couldn't compute my cholesterol. Since I don't have a clue what tryglicerides are I just assume I am doing okay.

Cheryl and I spent yesterday in Logan, UT doing business and cussing Utah drivers. We were very glad to get home where the world is normal and slower paced.

Oh by the way I am in deep morning. In fact I am in such a sorrowing state that I don't know when I will be consoled. The breaking headline news which overshadowed world events, news breaking sports events, even put President Bush on the back page and almost forced Australia to become a third world country. What was such an occurence? Anna Nicole Smith died!!! The shock was almost too much. Now I won't get to see her ugly face and hear that hideous voice anymore.

I am so upset I must close with a story or joke or something.

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says ...

"Grandpa, .. Go home, you're drunk."

Have a nice day everyone.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Some folks who live on the Hillside area of Anchorage built this playground in their yard for their 3 and 4 year-old boys. The next morning, the mom woke up to this scene.

Thought you might enjoy these pictures sent to me by a good friend in Idaho Falls, ID.

I am setting here waiting for a phone call to let me know what time I am actually leaving today so thought I would at least post some pictures. Maybe a joke as well.

A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin.

Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Pam: " I think I know which it is, but I'm not 100% certain. I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."

Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"

Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."

Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Carol: "Oh geez, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo."

Pam: "Are you sure?"

Carol: "I'm sure."

Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?"

Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo".

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart."

Regis: "You said C) cuckoo... And you're right! Congratulations, you have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"

To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Carol and asks her,"Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"Pam, it was easy," replies her friend. "Everybody knows that cuckoos live in clocks."

Blondes, ya gotta love em for all the joy they bring into our lives.:)

Have a nice day everyone, including my blonde friends.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I just love these pictures and for the life of me I cannot remember who sent them to me. Thank you very much anyway.

Mercy, when you get behind doing something it just seems to escalate and you get further behind. Sorry for not reading or commenting on blogs as of late buttttttt. Okay excuses are not acceptable butttttttttt.

My trip to Star Valley, Wyoming was very enjoyable. First, Cheryl went with me and that makes for great companionship, second, we got to visit with my sister and her husband and that was very enjoyable and third, the roads were great even though it snowed. When we got home (1:00am) on Sunday morning we were so tired that all we wanted to do was sleep, sleep, sleep. Luckily for us the church had frozen water lines so church was canceled and we did nothing but sleep, sleep, sleep. Do you think church cancellation had more to do with the Super Bowl and less to do with frozen pipes? Nahhhhhh.

Congratulations to the Indianapolis Colts. They won and they deserved it. I just wish the media would quit making a big deal about the color of the coaches skin. I am one who could care less about the color of his skin and more about can he do the job. Oh well, not everyone can be as open-minded as the Irish. (Is that laughter I hear coming from all directions?)

I think I am looking forward to spring. I have the itch to get out and do something exciting like fishing or camping. Only six more weeks at least before the robins start coming down from the mountains, the killdeers start doing their chattering in the fields and Cheryl starts with the spring list of "honey do" items. That is a sure sign of spring, those "honey do" items. A true, loving spouse would turn to her faithful companion and say, "Dear, it is spring. Why don't you go and do something you like to do and forget about all this work that needs to be done." Yes sir that would be like hearing words from heaven.

Got to go and catch up some more. This week consists of an overnighter in Boise, ID with the jazz band group. Should be interesting. In closing let me post this item and if you have read it then just hurry past it.

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife".
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk?
"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type"?
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types! of bras to choose from".

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer"?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} B! arely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
They forgot the German bra.


Have a nice day everyone. :)

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Isn't this a beautiful picture? It is entitled "God's Painting". I cannot remember who sent it to me but I thank you very much and hope everyone enjoys it.

I took the wrestling team to a meet yesterday and witnessed something that I really had hoped I would never witness. One team in the competition had two young ladies who were wrestling. Now before I get judged too harshly let me say I have no problem with women wrestling, but, I do draw the line with them wrestling on a boy's team and against other boys. If the desire is there so much then start a women's wrestling division. One of the boys from our team had to compete against one of the females; it was pathetic. He took her down in no time flat and put her in a head lock that about took her head off.

I found out that our young man did not want to wrestle but the rules state that if he did not then he, and possibly the whole team, would not be eligible to participate in the district tournament. What a sham and what a disgrace. Both girls were beaten so easily and so badly that they both ran off the mat and disappeared. Maybe it is just me that the whole scenario just seems so wrong.

Schaumi mentioned that she was getting snow where she lives. I hope it holds off here for two more days. I have a run that goes across two mountain passes and it would be nice for good roads, however, if it doesn't happen... oh well.

This might be my last post for this week since I leave for an overnighter tomorrow. (The mountain trip) I actually am looking forward to it to see my sister who lives in Star Valley, Wyoming. It always makes it nicer when Cheryl goes along so I can have someone to pick on... er... I mean hang out with.

Have you ever woke up in the night and started thinking what you would write about on your blog? I do that every now and again but can never remember what it was when I set down to the computer. Hmmmmm, old age I guess. Speaking of old age you might enjoy the following.

I 'm over 65 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 35 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink. The average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case...another convenient way to measure time!)

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys always get up early to pee.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... er . one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out. He's hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it.


Have a nice day everyone.