Mom and the Hillside Gougers

My wife is from Ohio. I think I may have mentioned that in the past. Being from Ohio she was not aware of western lifestyles and western humor so, quite naturally, I had to have some fun at her expense. However there could be some truth to the story I am about to tell. Scientists are still working on the species and the findings have not been officially published.

Before I tell about the hillside gougers I must make a comparison of sorts. I have been told that people from Iowa are famous for their corn crops. They have corn for breakfast in the form of corn flakes; corn for lunch in the form of corn bread; corn for supper in the form of corn on the cob. I believe they have Thanksgiving dinner with a corn made turkey, corn style potatoes, corn rolls, corn jelly, corn drinks and corn pie. Now that makes sense to me even if my friend Sarah thinks I am being "corny."

I was driving with my wife along the Little Salmon River located near the town of Riggins, Idaho. Here the mountains are quite steep and it is very hard to climb them. We had a saying that when mountains were steep as a calf's face then it was STEEP. As we were driving my wife kept looking up on the mountains and noticing animals feeding on them. The ones that caught her eye the most were the cows. She turned to me and asked, "How do they keep from falling off those mountains?" "Oh," I told her, "Those are hillside gougers." She thought about this for a while and then just had to ask, "What are hillside gougers?" I told her, "Hillside gougers are a special breed of cow that has legs a normal length on one side and shorter legs on the other side. This way they can stand on the mountain like a normal animal and eat without fear of tipping over." "Well," she asked, "How do they turn around?" I replied, "They don't. They have to go in the same direction all the time or they will tip over and roll to the bottom of the mountain and be killed." She believed me!! I laughed about that for quite some time but not in front of her. One day she asked her mother in law if that were true and the answer back was, "Oh that lying pup. Did he really tell you that? Don't believe a word he says."

Now that is pretty harsh coming from someone who lived there and knew better. I didn't dare tell her about the ones that had their heads pointing up the mountain and their rears pointing down. They can't turn sideways at all. They have to go either face up the mountain as they are grazing or they have to back down the mountain. To turn left or right would bring on certain death. Now any self respecting mountain person will back my statements up. Mountain people don't make things up; they just tell it as it is.

I had her going on the jackalopes until she seen one and then the fun was over. My point. Don't try to mislead your spouse. Be very truthful in every word you speak. They might not understand your new way of life and one has to be very patient in teaching them about these new and exciting experiences.